“You Can Do It, Dad! Just Spank’erass.”

This story has absolutely nothing to do with being disabled. It is just too funny not to share.

I was at my friend Andrea’s house for dinner.  It was just some family, about eight of us.

Andrea and her husband, Ross, have three beautiful children.  At the time, the oldest, Zac, was five, Julia took the middle spot at three, and Cameron was almost one.

We were having dinner in the dining room, enjoying wonderful food and good red wine. All of a sudden, we hear a blood curdling, hair-raising scream from Cameron.  The kind of scream that said he was hurt.

Poor Andrea couldn’t get to him fast enough.  All three kids were in the living room. Zac was watching television, Cameron was in his walker seat and Miss Julia was up to mischief.

If you saw Julia with Cameron now, she is his biggest protector.  When he was first born, however, she had the jealousy that naturally comes along with no longer being the “baby.”

Cameron was screaming in his chair. Julia was standing right next to him. As Andrea picked up her screaming baby, her mother’s instinct told her Julia was the cause.

After making sure Cameron was okay and handing him to a relative, Andrea demanded Julia tell her what she did. After being “asked” by her mother a second time, Julia confessed to biting Cameron on the arm.

Julia got a spanking and was sent to her room screaming.  She not only slammed the door of bedroom upstairs, but she continued to open and slam the door while screaming the entire time.

Ross had not made a move.  Andrea wanted him to go upstairs and spank Julia again. Without looking up from his plate, Ross said,”I don’t want to.”

The rest of us were looking at our own plates, in an attempt to not crack up with laughter. Andrea started yelling at her husband.  She insisted they were going to be failures as parents if they didn’t follow through with discipline.

Ross sighed and pushed his chair away from the table to get up and go deal with his daughter. Suddenly, from the peanut gallery in the living room, you hear a little boy’s voice say with encouragement and enthusiasm,” You can do it, Dad! Just spank her ass!”

That was all it took. We all started crying with laughter, including Andrea and Ross.  Zac repeated his support. Ross thanked his son and said he was on his way.

Zac had obviously learned that phrase from his parents, which was funny enough. But what really had us rolling  was the way he said it. It came out as one word…”Spank’erass.”  He was only five. He probably truly thought it was one word.

I am cracking up as I write this.  It’s one of those stories you laugh about every time it crosses your mind.  “Just spank’erass.”  It should be on a T-shirt or bumper sticker.

Zac is nine now.  He and Julia remember that night and all three kids love to hear the story.  Once Cameron asked his sister, “Sissy, why did you bite me?”  Julia wordlessly looked at him, picked up his arm, and kissed the spot she had bitten.  Cameron smiled.


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